I slashed your dress while you were out
Then bought a new one as a gift
I poured salt in your petrol tank
Then stopped and offered you a lift
I hacked up cold germs in your tea
Then gave you tissues when you sneezed
I shat under your sofa bed
Then popped by spraying pine Fabreeze
I ate the contents of your fridge
Then made you lunch with gay aplomb
I made you cry - we hugged it out
I lit the fire I saved you from
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