3. Mr Gethin, a decorator by trade, is struck in the face by a stray penalty. The resultant head trauma changes his accent from scouse falsetto to a deep Russian baritone. He infiltrates the KGB and foils several plots to assassinate Keith Chegwin.
47. A match between Bury and Charlton Athletic is postponed after crows peck the referee to death. They are last seen making for a blood-orange sunset, a scattergram of chevrons.
99. After their team concede a third goal in an away game, Wigan fans drop to their knees at the realisation that life is ultimately futile and human consciousness does not survive death. Wigan come back to win 5-3.
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